I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
