So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize