Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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