Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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