Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
