My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
