We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
