Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize