Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
