My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
