its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
