We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
