It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
