i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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