youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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