well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
