i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
