Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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