You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
