So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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