I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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