I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
