remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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