are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
