Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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