he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
