he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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