May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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