Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
