Yo dont text me then not text me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
