You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
