Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
