Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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