I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
