I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
