just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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