bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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