My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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