Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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