ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
