it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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