I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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