Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
