my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
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i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
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We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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