May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
