Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
