Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
