btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
