so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There's even glitter on my cock...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
