that's an acceptable place to lick
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
