I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
