You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there's paper in my vomit.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
