The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
