they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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