We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
