i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
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Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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