Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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