Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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