Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
