well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
