Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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