i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize