I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
