Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
