my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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