I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
