I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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