The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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