He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
