On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
