so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
