I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
