Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
