not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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