Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this boner is exhausting
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
