He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
