She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
