Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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