I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
is that a dick in a sweater?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
