Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
