Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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