Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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