I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
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My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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