it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
