The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
