May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Sober January is a disaster.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My butt remains clenched, sir.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
